I haven't written for a long time for a couple of reasons. One, because we've been busy getting ready for our new business open house. Two, because I have been struggling with depression.
I've been trying to hide it, but I need to be real. I need to be open and honest. Maybe by me being open about my feelings, I can help someone else.
Just because I'm a Christian and trust in Jesus, doesn't mean I won't have struggles. On the contrary. Jesus said "In this world we will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world" (totally paraphrased).
I am part of an online ladies group with a bunch of amazing Godly ladies. I am so thankful for them. They have prayed for me, spoke sternly, yet lovingly to me, and always pointed me to Jesus.
In the last 18 months, I have lost my mother, my oldest brother, moved 1800 miles away from my home state, my oldest daughter, son-in-law, and grandson, my church, my friends, and everything I knew. I have also had our two youngest daughters marry and leave home just 6 weeks of one another.
At times, it's a little more than I can bear. Especially now that the holidays are quickly approaching.
My heart aches deeply for my family back home and I long to be there with them. And yet, my heart aches at the thought of leaving the family I have here. It is such a hard place to be. I have been praying and seeking God continually. Begging Him for direction, guidance, PEACE, none of which I have found, yet.
Michael is feeling the same way. I am thankful for him and his love for me. He has never left my side. Sometimes he doesn't have the right words to say so he just holds me as I cry my heart out. He's an amazing man and I'm thankful God gave him to me. Lord knows, I've not been easy to live with, especially lately.
If you think of us, pray for us. We need it! Thank you :o)
Praying for you right now!
ReplyDelete~Amy
Denise,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your pain. I can relate. The year Scott and I were married the following life events happened within a 2 month timeframe: my family moved out of state, I quit my job (which I loved) and started a new job closer to our new home (a job I hated for a long time), I moved in with a friend for 2 months, then got married and moved to St. Cloud. My stress level was high and it was a very rough time in my life. The married part was great, but adjusting to being married, a new job and family being so far away was not a great time.
I can tell you this - you will find peace when you trust that God has you where you are right now for a reason. It will take time and doesn't happen overnight but once you can truly trust this you will feel refreshed and have a sense of hope that this is not the end of the road.
God loves you and will provide you with clarity as to where the next step is when the time is right. Don't force it For now he is using this as a refining process for you. He is up to something. He has good in store for you and many blessings to offer you. He only wants what is best for you - which is hard to see sometimes through our human eyes.
I will ask Him to refresh your spirit, to give you an overflowing joy for the things in your life right now and give you the courage to trust that he has the best in store and will fulfill all of your needs, including your longing for your children, family and good friends.
Enjoy you time with your Minnesota loves next week!!!
Alyssa